Steps to overcoming low self-esteem

Step 1: Before you can take steps to clear up your case of low self-esteem, you must first find out its impact on you. Complete the Self-Esteem Inventory. Then read the Model of Self-Esteem to get a better understanding of concept of self-esteem. Then answer the following question in your recovery journal: What is the impact of low self-esteem on your life, and at what level do you have the condition?

Step 2: If your rating on the Self-Esteem Inventory was at the mild level or higher, proceed. Answer the following questions in your journal:

1. How is my life a reflection of the definition or codependent described in this chapter? What is the level of severity of this condition on my lifestyle?

2. How are the three major symptoms of codependency, described present in my life?

3. How does my behavior reflect my belief in the scarcity principle, which says my life is better than what I've been used to, so I should be satisfied with what I've got?

4. What medical complication of low self-esteem have I had, do I have, or do I have a propensity for having?

5. What are the specific negative lifestyle consequences of my condition?

6. What specific characteristics of my background, my previous history of relationships, my family of origin, and my previous work history make me a candidate for low self-esteem

7. On which specific symptomatic behavior traits of low self-esteem do I feel no control?

8. At what stage of the illness of low self-esteem do I believe I am? Why?

9. What steps have I taken to address the low self-esteem symptomatic behavior traits which I possess? How successful were these behavior traits treated, ameliorated, or cured?

Step 3: Now that you have a full description of your low self-esteem condition, answer the next ten questions in your journal to clarify your motivation to change or to treat your current behavior patterns:

1. How comfortable am I with the term "codependency?'' If I don't like the term, which term would be more acceptable to encourage me to get help for myself? Neurotic? Insecure?

2. How comfortable am I with the concept of my behavior traits being described as symptoms of an illness? If I don't feel comfortable describing my behavior as "sick,'' what term would be more acceptable to motivate me to change?

3. How comfortable am I with looking at my family of origin, schools I attended, work environments as the sources of my current problems? What alternative explanation of the origin of my problems is more acceptable to motivate me to get help?

4. How comfortable am I in looking at my problems? Do I deny their existence, both now and in the past? What steps am I willing to take to overcome denial of my problems?

5. How comfortable am I in expressing or experiencing my feelings regarding my problems? What would I prefer to have happen in order to help me address my problem behavior? What alternatives are offered to me in my circumstance? What if there aren't any?

6. How angry am I getting in just reading this material and in answering there questions? What does this anger tell me about the presence of low self-esteem in my life.?

7. How guilty do I feel about the inference that my parents' or spouse's problems are a root of my current problems? How can I change this perception to a non- accusative, healing approach to treat my problems?

8. How easy is it for me to accept the reality that everyone does the best they can, given their level of knowledge and awareness of their problems; and that no one purposefully sets out to screw up or to make other people sick? What other rational beliefs so I need to develop in order to give myself permission to pursue the remediation of my low self-esteem?

9. How comfortable am I in accepting that I need help for my "sick'' behavior when I have or am currently living with someone whom I believe to be really sick with alcoholism, compulsive eating disorders, drug abuse, compulsive gambling, or other compulsive disorders? What can be done to assist me in overcoming my loss of pride in order to accept my need for help?

10. What will my future look like if I don't get help for my low self-esteem? What can be done to fully motivate me to get help for myself now?

Hopefully, answering these ten questions has motivated you to accept yourself as a person with low self-esteem who is in need of help and support. Go to Step 4.

Step 4: Once you have accepted the fact that you need help to treat your low self-esteem condition, try some of the following pathways. One, two, or more of them in combination may be "just what the doctor ordered'' for your specific condition:

1.Enter into a support group which accepts the principles and philosophy of the Self-Esteem Seeker's Anonymous (SEA's) Program of recovery.

2. Enter into individual, marital, or family counseling with a licensed or certified mental health counselor.

3. Use the Tools for Coping Series as a self-help guide to reorganize your life.

4. Enter a 12 step program of recovery such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Over-eaters Anonymous or Alanon to address your compulsive behavior..

5. Enter into a support group for adult children of alcoholics (ACOA).

6.Read other self-help literature

7. Enter an alcohol, chemical dependency, or eating disorders residential or outpatient treatment program to address your compulsive problems.

8. Attend workshops or seminars on overcoming codependency and dysfunctional environmental issues.

Step 5: Once you have used the helping strategies in Step 4, you should be on the road to recovery from your low self-esteem. If you still feel stuck and not fully motivated to change, return to Step 1 and begin again.